Ways to Have Fun on the Nemesis
by Squid Senpai
Summary: TFP: From holding Barbies on ransom to recruiting evil veggies to Soundwave and his questionable antics, this list includes all of the ways one can have a good time on the Nemesis doing. Accepting requests! Extreme OOCness on occasion, utterly random.
1. 1 thru 10

**A/N: Yes, I am alive, with a new interactive story! I ask readers to submit ideas and see them come to life here. I plan to have at least 100, with about 5 or 10 ways on each chapter. Make sure they are as random as possible! You may also ask me to make a chapter centered on a TFP verse character (Ex. Miko, Knockout and Breakdown, Soundwave's tentacles). Each idea will either become a short story, a small scene, or a sentence depending on how complicated they are.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or Barbie! Got it?**

**Read and Review PLEASE!**

**Begin!**

_1. Skip around the Nemesis while holding a bunch of flowers. If somebody asks what you are doing, give them a flower and say 'join me, friend!'_

Soundwave was depressively bored. Ever since Starscream's disappearance, the ship's atmosphere had become blasé and tense. Even Megatron, the glorious leader of the Decepticons, seemed to be slightly downtrodden. It was this attitude that made the troops slightly lazy. It seemed impossible to boost moral around the base. Well, unless you are Soundwave, of course. The third in command never had to resort to his 'happy-team-happy-leader' methods so he was uncertain it would work. So with slight hesitation, he began 'code flower'.

It went without a hitch.

The first victims were an eradicon and a vehicon who went by the names of Steve and 404 (only Primus knows who named them). They were exiting the rec. room and had bumped into the prancing communications officer.

"Whoa, sorry sir, we didn't see-" Steve paused for a long moment as he and 404 attempted to grasp the situation.

"What in the pit are you doing… sir?" 404 deadpanned.

Soundwave grasped both troops' hands and nodded. He removed two flowers from his subspace, both pink and purple roses, and handed them to the troops. "Join me!" Soundwave sang, waiting for the drones to join.

With a small shrug, 404 and Steve joined Soundwave's merrymaking.

As with the officers, well, their encounters lasted longer. Knockout agreed, and joined, after getting tiara of bright red roses and insisting Soundwave put 'Sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows' as the theme song. Breakdown, whom was with Knockout at the time, refused during the first round, but after the second round with Airachnid, he immediately agreed, causing Knockout to keep a distance from the pirate. Airachnid joined 'just for the heck of it' and got a black rose. Eventually they reached Megatron, in the bridge, who stared at the group for a solid five minutes before laughing and grabbing a handful of flowers and joining the group. Eventually the whole entire ship joined the fiasco.

Mission success.

_2. Walk up to random people you come across and give them a bear hug while screaming "I MISSED YA, MAN!" or "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!"_

The only one responsible for this blight was none other than Airachnid. The sly and sleek spider femme managed to get Breakdown over charged with high-grade after promising him 'some 'face time'. Breakdown, still remembering what the femme said, asked her when they would start. Airachnid panicked at the thought of her pranked going wrong, but the next lie coming out of her mouth came out as smooth as…. As… something smooth.

"Hug about 1,000,000 beings on this ship, then we'll talk," she purred to the eager pirate.

It never occurred to the mech that the number extended that of the inhabitants of the ship. Nevertheless, Breakdown smiled and stepped outside of the femme's berth room and began hugging random 'cons in a drunken 'rampage'. The first one to stumble across his blurred mind was none other than Soundwave. The officer was walking towards his own berth room for the night when Breakdown stumbled up to him and wrapped his bulky arms around the sleek mech.

"I LOVE YOU MOMMY!" Breakdown laughed when Soundwave tensed up.

"….." the TIC turned his head towards the pirate and 'unleashed the rage of the tentacle.' Soundwave sped away from the mech, not wanting any more physical contact.

The next was Knockout. The medic was searching for his assistant to remind the mech of the busy day tomorrow.

"I MISSED YA, MAN!" Breakdown chuckled and bear hugged the red mech.

"B-breakdown?" Knockout stuttered in surprise, his face a slightly pink color. Of course, he instantly recognized the scent of high-grade and stomped off crying about 'hopeless love' or something of the sort. The poor medic was suffering emotional trauma of late, but refused to tell anybody of his sudden change in character. Many suspected his assistant was the cause, but no action was taken.

The next day, Breakdown awoke with a massive headache and huge embarrassment. He reminded himself to never take high-grade from Airachnid for a long time.

_3. Sing loudly and horribly. Or better yet, try to rap._

"Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then I'm slipping!" Orion rapped hoarsely, joined by a group of drunken eradicons. "I is chillin' like a non-villain takin' a… chillin'

"My Panda is named Amanda cause she's… uh... something that rhymes like that!

"I'm gangsta, da gangsta…. Da gangsta panda named Amanda who was cool like that, yo!" Soundwave had joined in at this time, playing a fast beat he had created while recording the whole thing. The next day, the whole crew awoke to this video. Due to the many mentions of 'the gangsta panda named Amanda', Orion Pax gained the nick name of 'Da Gangsta Panda'. Despite some insistence from Megatron, Orion did not get the name 'Amanda' added to it.

_4. Attempt to drown in a kiddie pool._

It just happened to be Breakdown's birthday on this day. He requested a pool party and, due to the troops' laziness, got a kiddie pool instead. Still, he was overjoyed by the result and spent the day playing life guard. Near the end of the day, by the time he _swore _Knockout was fake drowning just to be carried bridal style by the pirate, Airachnid just happened to be arguing with Starscream about… something. The seeker, utterly enraged by whatever she said, threw his energon on her face, temporarily blinding her. Soundwave spun around and began recording the incident immediately, feeling a sense of joy as he watched the spider's struggle. Airachnid, clawing at her face and spitting out curse words, fell into the kiddie pool.

"I'M DROWNING!" she screeched as she flailed around in the 3 inch deep pool.

"I'll save you!" Breakdown said before he made the worst decision of the day and dove _head first _into the pool. He was immediately knocked out and Knockout spent that night dragging the poor mech into the med bay.

Soundwave was _very _amused as he watched the femme flail around in the pool. Finally, 10 minutes later, the femme came to her senses and cursed out every mech in earshot.

_5. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and walk around screaming "FEAR ME AND MY EVIL ARMY OF FROZEN CARROTS!"_

Airachnid was well aware of the many troops' fears of organic objects. It was the very reason she chose her spider form. She often used these fears to defeat other foes and, on occasion, give a good prank. This happened to be one of those occasions.

Airachnid had obtained a bag of carrots from an abandoned human camp site while she was on patrol. She noted it was still frozen as she took it out of the cooler. Of course a plan immediately began to form in her mind, how else would she have become a commander in such a short time?

The exact moment she returned to the ship, she stared at some vehicons and then held the frozen veggies over her head while screaming "FEAR ME AND MY EVIL ARMY OF FROZEN CARROTS!" That set the vehicons in motion, running and screaming in all directions to warn their friends. A duo of vehicons happened to smash into each other in their panic. She walked around the ship, repeating this joke. No other reaction matched that of Knockout's for he screamed and fainted. Like a little girl.

_6. Have an emotional breakdown._

It occurred right after Bumblebee stole the spark extractor. Megatron was beyond angry, on the verge of snapping at _Soundwave_, who was trying and failing to calm the warlord. Just then smallest failure or insult could send Megatron over the edge. How small the insult was surprised everybody. Knockout was telling the warlord of his recent success with the synthetic energon while eyeing a rather dull spot on Megatron's armor. Finally, after the full report, Knockout sighed and said "My lord, you have a dull spot on your armor."

Those words put the warlord in a new light. Megatron screamed and flipped the keyboard of a nearby computer terminal. Airachnid stared at him for a solid moment as she was cussed out by the gladiator. Soundwave ran to his berth room after being called some eyebrow raising names. Knockout flinched as Megatron screeched in his audio receptors about… something. Breakdown stood crying in the corner after being asked where his parrot was. Then, after all of that, Megatron spent the rest of the day crying into his hands while sitting cross legged on the bridge's floor, only the occasional curse word or sob emitted from him.

No one knew Megatron had it in him.

_7. Enter the Med bay and ask for some non-existent item._

Starscream stormed into the med bay, looking as pissed as usual. Knockout and Breakdown, whom were currently buffing Megatron to prevent scarring, turned around in surprise at the sudden intrusion. "Com- LORD Starscream, what a pleasant surprise! What do we owe to you today?" Knockout asked, his eyes opened wider than usual.

Starscream glared at both mechs who stared unblinkingly back. He then took a deep breath and said "Got any Shnerples here?"

Knockout's and Breakdown's faces by this point were utterly comical. "What's a Shnerple?" Breakdown glanced at the red medic, expecting an answer, but only received a shrug and a blank look.

"My lord, what is a Shnerple?" Knockout repeated while deadpanning.

Starscream fell over laughing immediately "My GOODNESS, you two are truly kept in the dark!" At those words, Starscream left the duo alone to ponder over his odd sayings.

_8. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation._

After this event, everybody began to question Knockout's sanity. On the bright side, he was promoted due to the fact he was winning an argument with the air.

_9. Find two people who are going out/are really close. Walk up to one of them and slap them across the face and yell "I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!"_

Knockout was randomly roaming around the _Nemesis _with nothing left to do. It was an hour before designated recharge time and he had completed all objects on his agenda. After a while, he had decided to go to the bridge and hope there was someone left to talk to. To his surprise and luck, there was Breakdown along with that _femme, _Airachnid. He smirked as a wicked plan began to form in his head as he strutted towards the duo.

Breakdown was deep in conversation on a personal subject with Airachnid, so the duo immediately silenced at the red medic's approach. "Hey Knockout!" Breakdown smiled weakly.

Knockout smiled back, glanced at the femme, and then slapped Breakdown across the face.

"There was no call for that!" Airachnid shouted.

"Why?" Breakdown roared.

Knockout glanced at the duo and then willed coolant tears to fall from his optics. He took a deep breath and screamed "I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!" He ran away fake crying, leaving the duo to wonder what his problem was.

_10. Hold Breakdown's Barbie for ransom._

Breakdown was whining about how he had no purple Shnerples. Dreadwing held Breakdown's Beach Party Barbie captive.

**\(^o^)/**

**A/N: Did you like it? I am accepting ideas from you guys! Just give me a character(s) name and/or an action and you can expect to see it here. It can be anything. You can request to be un-named if you feel embarrassed by what you requested. If you don't have any ideas, then review. The more reviews, the faster this updates. **

**Also, check out my two tumblr blogs: frag-yeah-its-art and ask-steve-eradicon (just add .tumblr .com to the end without the spaces)**

**Press it please! **


	2. 11 thru 20

**A/N: Wow, I got a bunch of feedback! Thanks guys, you're all awesome! I got a whole bunch of stuff, so bear with me (I call this chapter the "music edition"). Thanks to ****ratchetsfangirl, Suggestions, Sky's Breaker, Ohmygosh, Kingstriker, and anon**** for reviewing. Also, thanks to those who gave me ideas (almost all reviewers submitted some, I just don't feel like rewriting their names.) For those whose ideas are not here, do not fear! They will be next. My muse only allows me to do ten at a time.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers!**

**Warnings: None unless you don't like the song choices or if you think the prank calls are racist.**

_11. Say "I smell you" to anybody who passes by. [Sky's Breaker]_

Knockout kicked out Breakdown from the med bay, again, leaving the pirate with nothing left to do. So, once more, he roamed the halls aimlessly, attempting to entertain himself as the red medic gave Megatron his final 'post-stasis' check-up. Since he was alone, many odd questions began to form in his mind. One of which popped out the most: Why do humans have that odd organ protruding from the center of their face? Knockout told him it was called a nose and was the organ that allowed humans to breathe and smell. Breakdown found it bizarre that _all _organics had such a skill. On Cybertron, only a few had such a gift. The 'gift' was struck as odd and most mechs with it were made fun of. Of course Breakdown found it rather funny….

Hm, funny.

Breakdown smirked as a crazy idea formed in his mind.

An eradicon, named Mike, happened to be nearby along with his friend, Peter. The two were chattering without pause. They were the perfect targets to Breakdown.

"Sir?" Peter paused to acknowledge the larger mech which made Mike pause in response.

"I smell you," Breakdown said bluntly, making the eradicons look at each other awkwardly.

"Um, what?" Mike asked.

"I SMELL YOU!" Breakdown shouted, making the drones run and scream in terror. This pattern continued all day until Knockout invited him back.

_12. Rent (or steal) Just Dance 3 and have a tournament in the hangar (where the giant screens are.)[ratchetsfangirl]_

Megatron had been complaining about how the officers needed more exercise. There had not been anything coming up lately and Megatron feared the troops would go soft. Soundwave and Knockout offered a fun solution, a human game called "Just Dance 3." Thus, the tournament began. The rules were that you had to pick three songs. The rankings would be decided by points earned and/or accuracy.

Knockout won from his song choices of "California Gurls" and "Teenage Dream" by Katie Perry and "Venus" by Bananarama (Nobody could stop laughing at his song choices). Soundwave came close in second with "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO, "Da Funk" by Daft Punk (perfect score on that one), and "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles. Megatron, surprisingly, tied third with Airachnid by using the songs: "I'm So Excited" by The Pointer Sisters (he had a blast with that one), "She's Got Me Dancing" by Tommy Sparks, and "Lollipop" by Mika. Airachnid's songs were "This is Halloween" by Danny Elfman, "Pricetag" by Jessie J, and "Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. Breakdown came in last with "Dynamaite" by Taio Cruz, "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by the Scissor Sisters (message sent there), and "Hey Boy, Hey Girl" by the Chemical Brothers (he barely got a single move in).

Megatron was quite pleased with the result, despite the fact that his troops were humming those songs for the next month or so.

_13. Play " If You Kiss Jesus (Mash-up)" by Robin Skouteris (on YouTube) as loud as you can and sing and dance as annoying as possible._

This was the most genius thing that has ever happened on the _Nemesis_. All the officers were lip synching while the drones danced around them.

_14. Sing your favorite song loudly and horribly._

Knockout ended up screaming "I'm a Barbie Girl" all day. "I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD!" Knockout shrieked as he repaired the stasis-locked Megatron. Breakdown was lucky enough to have his own set of earplugs for such occasions. "LIFE IN METAL, ITS FANTASTIC!" he occasionally swapped out the words to add to his amusement. Starscream on the other hand looked rather pissed and wanted to flee the room, but Soundwave was quite intent on staying and recording the whole scene _while _playing the instrumental.

"Would you turn that down?" Starscream's voice was lost in the 'Come on Barbie, let's go party (ah-ah-ah-yeah)' section of the song. Starscream hissed in annoyance as Knockout swung wildly from high pitch to low pitch with no regard for the audio receptors around him.

Starscream growled before stomping away, leaving the trio to their fiasco.

Knockout was enjoying so much to the point that even Soundwave didn't want to tell him the true meaning of the song. Of course, most though Megatron was a lucky mech to be spared the details of such an event, but Soundwave had the brilliant plan of showing it to him on the day of his awakening.

Megatron _loved _it. Thus the song played _all _day in the bridge. You could say it was the best time of Knockout's life.

"Oh I LOVE you Ken!" Knockout finished before giving a confused Breakdown a giant bear hug. Soundwave found himself clapping.

_15. Pretend to be your favorite animal. [ratchetsfangirl]_

Airachnid was a spider, Knockout a cat, Breakdown a parrot, Megatron a llama, Starscream a crow, and Soundwave a dolphin. Steve was a dog following Starscream.

_16. Spend a day using coloring books.[Suggestions]_

Airachnid and Breakdown did this together. Knockout had an undying fear of crayons and refused to come near.

_17. Tell a story about a ghost pirate that possessed people. Then have Breakdown jump out of the dark and scare people.[ratchetsfangirl]_

"And then the pirate ran into the dark woods, never to be seen again," Megatron growled to the shivering troops. Soundwave had suggested that they should do a story night and, by far, this was the scariest. Knockout's had been a total romance story, Airachnid's was a angst story, Soundwave's was… well, nobody knew what he did, they just knew it was good, and Breakdown did humor. Dreadwing wasn't very creative and didn't do one.

Anyways, the troops were frightened out of their minds, clutching onto each other in the dark. Megatron winked towards nobody in particular and then…

"BOO!" a giant, hulking figu- wait a minute… is that BREAKDOWN? With a fake parrot on his shoulder. Everybody screamed in fear. Actually, one of them squealed.

"Oh Breaky! You are just fragging ADORABLE!" Knockout cooed and began chasing the big mech.

"S-slag!" Breakdown panicked as he raced away.

"LET ME LOVE YOU!" was the last thing the troops heard.

"M-mommy…" Steve whined.

_18. Prank call the Autobots and their humans. [ratchetsfangirl]_

**I DO NOT MEAN TO BE RACIST FOR THIS. Watch "Prank Calls" on Youtube to understand this.**

"Hi, do you have any _pies_?" Megatron questioned the Autobot on the phone with his best impression of a southern accent. Behind him, Orion, Knockout, Soundwave, Breakdown, and Airachnid were stifling giggles.

"Um…. What?" the Autobot wrecker, Wheeljack, was extremely confused.

"I SAID," Megatron repeated, glaring at Breakdown, whom was laughing quietly, for a moment. "Do you have any PIES? I want to tell you my favorite pie…" Megatron didn't stop "Do you have a Salamander-watermelon-jelly fish-armadillo-dog food-toe nail-barbecue-lucky charms pie ?"

"Uh, what's a pie?" Wheeljack asked, sending the group into a laughing fit "Hello? Huh, just what I thought." He hung up.

"Your turn, Breakdown," Megatron snorted while handing the giggling pirate the phone. Breakdown nodded and picked up the older human male's work phone number that he collected.

"Hello, this is Jack at the KO burger, where every burger is a knockout (Knockout fell over and snorted at this), how may I help you today?" the human asked.

"Hold on… I'm, uh, looking at the menu…" Breakdown trailed off "Uh, can I have four chicken nuggets?"

"I'm sorry sir; we only have six in a pack," Jack replied.

"Just give me four!" Breakdown replied angrily.

"We only have-"

"THEN STICK TWO UP YOUR BUTT AND GIVE ME FOUR!" Breakdown roared, making the group behind him giggle slightly.

"Uh, what?" Jack replied "Sorry, but we don't serve to cursers, Decepticon." He hung up.

"Slag, your turn Orion," Breakdown muttered and gave the ex-autobot the phone.

"Who's there?" a husky voice asked.

"Is your fridge running?" Orion snickered.

"By the allspark, is that you Optimus?" Ratchet replied.

"Who's that?"

"ORION?"

"NO, BYE!" Orion immediately hung up. He gave Soundwave the phone "Your turn."

_19. Start a conga line, get everybody in it. [ratchetsfangirl]_

"BOO YEAH! PARTY!" Megatron roared as he joined the giant conga line created by Knockout dancing to 'Sexy and I Know It'.

_20. Hand out butterfly and heart shaped stickers to anybody who exits the med bay. [Sky's Breaker]_

This all came from Dreadwing's personal stash. Megatron loved this idea and always emerged covered in the little buggers.

**:D**

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! If you didn't see all of your ideas, don't worry! They'll be up soon. I can't promise updates every day, they will be irregular. Feel free to request a certain character in chapter or an idea. Please review!**


	3. 21 thru 29

**A/N: ... an apology is not enough for all the time I've spent not updating this, right?**

**Yeah.. I MISSED YOU GUYZ AND THIS STORY SOOO MUCH! Just... too much work... Especially with my new summer online class, medieval history.**

**RANT TYME:**

Sounds cool. Yeah, I know right? But the very first unit is on early Christianity, and the very first question was to define and give a picture of Jesus. Some of you may think "pfft, I can do that in my sleep!" but I am not quite adept in that religion, seeing that I am atheist, and as such have spent a lot of time on this class's first unit since I JUST DON'T GET IT. UGH...

**Anyways**

**This chapter will have a LOT of Soundwave OOCness (and a lot of Soundwave in general)!**

**You know the disclaimer.**

**ALSO-**

**SPARTAN-B312-Holly: the whole story already has insane people. Though since you requested it, I made everybody **_**extra **_**insane!**

_21.) Soundwave and Youtube- what would happen? [Madame Mysterious, anon reviewer.]_

"Double rainbow, all the way, across the sky~"

An annoying obviously _human _song blasted from the _Nemesis _for at least five hours.

"Yeah, yeah, yeahyeahyeah! SO INTENSE!"

"MAKE IT STOOOOPPP," Starscream, well, screamed to the stars as he clawed his audios off. Megatron was slouched in his throne, his optics distant, and nobody could tell if he was going insane, trying to keep his calm to not eliminate the most valuable mech to the Decepticon cause, or dead.

"SOUNDWAVE!" Knockout shouted as he latched onto the purple mech's leg like a parasite "Pleasepleaseplease... MAKE IT STOP!"

Breakdown was crying while hitting his head against the wall, earning a few pity pats on the head from Airachnid, whom was smart and always kept audio-plugs handy.

Dreadwing on the other hand was singing along loudly as Soundwave played the song (404 _swore _he heard Soundwave humming.)

"Soundwave!" Megatron snapped "Change. The. Fragging. Song."

Soundwave nodded stiffly and glanced towards Dreadwing, who offered a cheesy grin.

"Nyannyannyannyannyannyan~"

"Primus..." Breakdown whimpered.

_22.) When life gives you lemons, make orange juice, and then watch the world try to figure out how the slag you managed to pull it off. [Copyright-Prime]_

"Soundwave," Megatron blinked, unsure of what to make of the creation "How the slag did you do this?"

The entire _Nemesis_ stared at a tiny glass of what human's called "orange juice" that sat in the palm of Megatron's hands.

Soundwave appeared to be ready to reply, but was interrupted by Knockout.

"He's a _ninja_! I swear he is!" Knockout flailed his arms around like a maniac, accidentally hitting Breakdown. The larger mech frowned and then edged away after Knockout mouthed something along the lines of 'sorry baby.'

Soundwave huffed and then tried to speak again-

"Or he's Primus..." Dreadwing stroked his chin.

"That would explain _a lot_," Airachnid was brimming with jealousy.

Soundwave sighed as the Decepticons chatted away about the achievement, not giving him a chance to speak.

Only one thing left to do...

Soundwave raised his arm and tilted the glass over, making everybody scream.

"SLAG IT SOUNDWAVE! WHY?" Megatron cried. Soundwave crossed his arms as the Decepticon leader got on his knees and shook the purple mech by the knees.

"Soundwave: wanted to speak," everyone stared at Soundwave. "Soundwave: is Primus. HEIL SOUNDWAVE!"

"... since when did Soundwave become Hitler?" Orion asked as Soundwave held out his arm sharply up into the air.

_23.) Lock someone in a room with a never ending loop of 'Friday' or 'Prom Night' by Rebecca Black. [ConArtist 24-7]_

"Nononononononono..." Megatron whispered as he rocked back and forward in a fetal position.

"_Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!"_

"That song with a poptart cat farting rainbows is like a fragging _masterpiece _compared to this slag." Megatron's thumb was in his mouth as he tried to block out the song _and _wondered why he knew so much about Earth items. Now, since he heard it so much, it just sounded like some irritating human femme who wouldn't stop _talking_.

"_Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!"_

"PRIMUS! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!" Megatron yelled at no one in particular.

"As you command, my liege," a voice replied. Megatron was suddenly teleported out of the room.

"Wha-what?" Megatron jumped up and removed his thumb from his mouth. He was on the bridge with Soundwave... nothing had happened, right? "Soundwave? What happened?"

"Soundwave: False. Correct Term: PRIMUS," Soundwa- er, _Primus _corrected with a waggling finger Megatron.

_24.) Spam Megatron's email with images of adorable kittens and see what happens. [Copyright-Prime.]_

**Ping!**

"Oh slag," Megatron sighed as he opened his email. The only reason why his email would **ping **is if either

A.) There was a big problem going on that needed his help.

B.) Orion was being a wuss and freaking out... again.

C.) Starscream trolling him... again.

The warlord stared at the fuzzy Earth animal on his screen. He couldn't help but giggle and d'aww at the fuzzy thing, called a 'kitten' (Megatron noticed the small words that said "enjoy the kittens, my liege.")

Wait... why was there a plural? There was only _one _kitten in his image, dressed up as Megatron while playing with yarn.

**Ping!... **

**Ping!Ping!... **

**Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! !Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!**

"Gah- PRIMUS!" Megatron screeched as his display was filled with kittens dressed as Cybertronians, anime characters, actors/actresses, singers/bands, cute little ponies, and everything else that was 'mainstream.'

"Yes, my liege?" Soundwave jumped from the ceiling, somehow like a ninja _and _aboss. Megatron had very little time to think about how on Cyberton Soundwave managed to get there without his notice and stay for Primus knows how long.

**Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!**

"Ugh! MAKE IT STOP!" Megatron shouted.

"Kittens: Soundwave's gift for Lord Megatron's spark day," Soundwave's voice was shaky... was he _crying? _"Query: Lord Megatron not like gift?

Megatron, not wanting to hurt the smaller mech's feelings, sighed again. "I... love it! Thanks Soundwave!"

"Primus," Soundwave corrected before fading into the shadows.

Megatron sighed- it was going to be a long day.

_25.) Two words: Silly String. [Autobot-Ratchet]_

It was Megatron's spark day and, besides getting an infinite supply of kitten pictures from Soundwave (that only Primus knows why there's so many there were) it was going pretty well!

Everybody was celebrating and giving him _awesome _gifts (not that they had much choice in the matter.) There is even a _huge _party for him! Even the Autobots were there (everybot was too energized to even _care_.)

But then, things went downhill really fast.

"Megatron: enjoying party?" Megatron glanced at Soundwave, who had a servo touching his arm delicately. From afar, a loud femme squeal could be heard after saying something that sounded like 'OMIGAWSH! MEGAWAVE SLASH!' "Soundwave: Has one more gift."

Oh slag... Megatron thought.

"SILLY STRING!" Soundwave laughed as he launched his arms in the air, the human toy coming from all directions. "This is Primus's gift for _all_!" He laughed evilly and pranced in the chaos surrounding him.

"He has to be fragging _detained _in a mental home," Starscream panicked as he tried, and failed, to dodge the flying projectiles.

Orion screamed and began to freak out as he was enveloped by the string. Knockout on the other hand was trying to tie Breakdown down with the string.

_26.) You are covered in pink paint covered with hearts and flower designs skipping around screaming "I'M A PRETTY PINK PRINCESS, SO DEAL WITH IT!" [Soundwavesfangirl250]_

"Are you... certain Soundwave?" Knockout eyed the paint and decals curiously.

"Correction: Primus," Soundwave nodded at the paint and then Knockout "Assignment: Given to Knockout from Lord Megatron. Completion of task: Will earn Breakdown's affection."

"SLAG YEAH!" Knockout did a leprechaun jump and began painting away.

Soundwave watched the gullible red mech take off for a while. A few moments later, he rubbed his servos together, laughed evilly, and walked through a wall while saying "HEIL SOUNDWAVE!"

"I'm a pretty pink princess~" every mech on the _Nemesis_, even _Megatron_, edged away from the prancing medic. They all knew that it was best to leave a medic to their devices, otherwise they would face punishment. After all, every mech wanted to keep his face _and _not wake up as a femme the next day.

"Knockout, I-" Breakdown froze and tripped.

"Why Breaky, you don't have to fall head over pedes for me~," Knockout giggled and did a very feminine pose.

"What is WRONG with you? Are you on drugs?" Breakdown examined the now _pink _medic with his single eye.

"'No! Just looking for your love," Knockout did very creepy motions towards Breakdown with his hands.

Breakdown screamed and ran away, making the pink medic laugh and give chase. "LET ME LOVE YOOOUUUU~"

Another femme squeal could be heard from a distance.

_27.) Have Megatron call up Optimus and tell him he loves him. [Guest, anon reviewer.]_

Megatron scowled as he approached Soundwave. "Soundwave! Contact Optimus Prime _NOW_,"

Soundwave looked startled by his lord's absurd request before shrugging. "Contact: Created. Correction: PRIMUS!" Soundwave hissed the last word before giving his lord the terminal.

"... Yes?" a voice boomed. Megatron grinned.

"Oh Optimus Prime! I LOVE YOU!" Megatron shouted happily, elbowing a grumbling Soundwave who stalked away.

"... what?" Optimus sounded quite shocked.

"I. Love. You." Megatron sang each word.

Optimus was silent for a few moments. "Please don't speak to me again."

**BOOP!**

Megatron sighed as the link terminated. Oh well, back to work.

Wait... where's Soundwave.

Optimus squealed as he was nearly hit once more by a certain purple mech. "Optimus Prime: STOLE PRIMUS'S HEART!" Soundwave screeched as he chased the Prime throughout the Autobot base. Nobody stopped nor helped the duo. Miko laughed as she saw them for the third time in a row.

"I NEVER LOVED HIM!" Optimus cried, making Arcee stop and _stare _even after they left her sight.

"Optimus Prime: DARES TO DENY? BREAKS MEGATRON'S HEART AND STEALS PRIMUS'S?"

"No-no! What do you mean Primus loves him? Who's Primus in this situation?" Optimus paused and held up a hand to Soundwave.

"Soundwave: IS PRIMUS. HEIL SOUNDWAVE!" Soundwave brought his arm down upon Optimus and... glitch slapped him?

Optimus Prime spent the next few hours crying as Soundwave swag walked everywhere he went.

Again that dreaded squeal. "MEGAWAVE! EEEEEEE!" A loud slap could be heard

"You DARE to defy MegaPrime? MegaPrime is _PRIMUS_."

"Correction: Soundwave is Primus," Soundwave said for no reason as he worked on the _Nemesis_. The eradicons around him scooted away slightly.

_28.) TWO IN ONE:_

_Cook offs! Make sure not to burn the Nemesis down! [ratchetsfangirl]_

_Do one with surprise cannibalism. [SPARTAN-B312-Holly]_

"Are you ready for... KITCHEN KOMBAT?!" Dreadwing shouted to the thousands of screaming fans that only Primus knows where they came from.

"Primus: Does know," Soundwave sang as he cooked.

-shut up Soundwave. ANYWAYS, the fans were acting like rabid chipmunks on caffeinated crack. The officers and one eradicon were all cooking their hearts out on food that they would never eat.

"First, we have Airachnid. What have you made?" Dreadwing held the microphone to Airachnid and then the food back-and-forth until the femme replied.

"Frog's legs." All of the legs were still moving, one of them hit the femme in the face.

"What do we say to that?" Dreadwing shouted.

"FATALITY!" the crowd roared.

In that very moment, a loud roar rang throughout the ring while saying "Vengence will be MINE!" A large flame erupted, so bright that everyone had to cover their eye(s), and then a lone man appeared in the fire.

"Who are YOU?" Dreadwing held the microphone up to the fleshie on fire.

"I am Scorpion!"

"Wrong game bro."

"...I see." With that, he teleported away, leaving everyone to wonder: what WAS his point in this meaningless plot anyways?

"Soundwave- what have you made?" Dreadwing hopped towards the mech.

"Creation: Soup. Correction: PRIMUS," Soundwave stirred the broth.

"Why is it... only made of broth?"

"Require: bots to enter the stew," a large group of eradicons flew in and landed in the soup.

"Now what?"

"Now: WE COOK AND EAT THEM! HEIL SOUNDWAVE... and Lord Megatron," Soundwave cackled as he closed the lid on the screaming vehicons.

Dreadwing, obviously disturbed by this, ran to the next contestant.

"My liege- what is your food?" Dreadwing fist pumped.

"Pie," Megatron stated simply.

"Inspiration?" Dreadwing asked cautiously.

Megatron's optics grew. "Ways to Have Fun on the Nemesis, way no. 18: 'Prank Call the Autobots and Their Humans-" Megatron was babbling as everyone else panicked. Something broke in the distance.

"SLAG! He broke the fourth wall! TURNITOFF!' Dreadwing screamed at the poor vehicon holding the camera.

Scorpion chuckled at the chaos before high fiving Soundwave and retrieving his kunai. Nobody underestimates a specter from the netherrealm. NOBODY!

_29.) Buy the action figure of Optimus and give it to Megatron as a present. [ConArtist 24-7] _

(Soundwave brings back the resonance blaster... and a surprise!)

"Excellent work Soundwave on retrieving the resonance blaster," Megatron rumbled as he admired the fine piece of decepticon technology he held in his hand.

"Correction: Primus. Additional prize was obtained," Soundwave uncurled his other servo and gave the item to Megatron.

"What is this?" Megatron whispered in awe as he stared at the toy, his optics gaining an unusual glaze.

"Answer: Optimus Prime action figure. Megatron: Enjoy."

_Several days later_

"Thank you for coming," Knockout scratched the back of his head awkwardly "I was just concerned that he was in his berth room for so long... and that he hadn't smashed anybody in so long."

"I understand," Optimus nodded before looking behind him "Avengers! Assem- er, Autobots! Roll out!"

Megatron's berth door came crashing down to reveal a very frightening sight.

Inside was all pink, with a Megatron in bridal wear holding a small blue and red object, singing "Friday" infinitely. He was drinking tea with said small inanimate object, and upon closer examination it was revealed that it looked somewhat sad... and like Optimus Prime.

"MEGATRON! DA FRAG R U DOIN'?" Optimus screamed in terror as Arcee said his words for him, strangely in his own voice as well.

"Marrying you, of course!" Megatron giggled "We were just about to spark bond after tea time."

"PRIMUS IS MEGATRON'S LOVE!" Soundwave screeched as he tackled his lord and retrieved the toy.

"NOT MY TRUE LOVE!" Megatron sobbed as the toy was ripped in half and, in the distance, a "fatality" was hear.

"Primus: Is Megatron's true love! Optimus abomination: Not!" Soundwave ran out and sobbed out "Primus: can not believe Megatron has cheated on Primus AGAIN."

"Oh eem gee! Megawave!" a femme screamed.

"Could SOMEONE shut her up?" Bumblebee grumbled, causing everyone within earshot to faint from hearing his voice.

**A/N: I didn't know what to do for 30, so sadly this is a short-ish chapter.**

**Oh well, hoped you enjoy!**

**Please review with ideas and tips, such as if you like this new Soundwave or if you want that stupid squealing femme to die.**

**So far I have made references to Mortal Kombat and the Avengers, none of which I own. is there anything else you want me to make a reference of? If so, please review with it! :D**


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